A story of deceit

Imagine you spend hours sitting in front of a game board playing the game of Life with all you have, and when you think you are close to finish with a big win, your opponent tells you...'sorry the rules of the game have changed and I forgot to tell you, so I just won".

This is deceit at its best, and who hasn't been deceived at some point in their life? If you haven't you may need to check your pulse. :)

How do we feel when we have been deceived?  Besides being angered by it, our human nature is to blame ourselves, and  to take ownership of someone else's actions by saying: "I may have missed some red flags", or " I was naive", or  "he/she didn't mean it", or  "I should have been more alert", or even better "he/she really loved me and was afraid to lose me".  

 Who is the winner? Who is the loser? 

This is a catch 22 type deal, not sure if there is a loser-winner relationship, but there is a lot to lose and even more to gain. You will never know with certainty what goes on in the head of a person who is being delusive, because they will never tell you. Based on my work experience I see that most people that are deceptive have been doing this for years, and this has become a coping mechanism. This is their armor to protect a frail ego. They are terrified of being vulnerable, of being judged, of not being liked. Does that justifies their behavior? Not really, but this is learned behavior and at some point we may have contributed to this behavior conditioning. Think for a moment when you tell a story and the recipient has an negative overt reaction with theatrical body language. What will happen next time? Will you speak your truth as freely? Probably not, as their reaction will condition and mold your next step.

Lies are painful, and they leave deep wounds, but they say more about the liar than about the recipient. Liars are prisoners, perhaps of an image they want to keep or a story they want to continue playing. Sometimes their lies have been their truth for years, so they have become their new reality. That must be a big load to carry. What a burden must be to pretend and pretend to be someone that you are not, and never show your true character because you are so busy playing a role. To me that's an assault on the self, more than on the opponent. 

Being the deceived I still consider myself a winner, because not knowing the end result I played like I was going to win. If you go on the arena and fight, you are already a winner because fear didn't get the best of you. 

There is a lot to learn about a situation like this one. If we let go of the anger of the moment and think clearly we could take the lesson that we were meant to learn...don't be afraid to be yourself, play like there is a winning chance, don't allow fear to choose your path and feel compassion for your opponent as behind every deceiver there is a story, and there is fear.  Always treat others like you want to be treated, no matter if they change the rules on you.  Sometimes you have to lose to gain.