Menopause

This morning my daughter walked into my bedroom and horrified she asked: "did you go to bed like that?" I immediately responded, 'oh no, never, I just put this on because it was too cold". BS...I had to lie. I had broken my own bedroom rules. I had gone to bed in flannel pajamas-and they didn't even match-, those you wear when you want to kill the passion in the bedroom or scare your partner shitless so he wouldn't dare to touch all night. Before this hit me, I used to go to bed just like if someone was waiting for me...but not lately.

I have been behaving different and I think it's because MENOPAUSE  is trying to peak into my life. Its coming in like thief in the middle of the night...uninvited and unwelcome.

The first sign was a very late period, that it could have been confused with a "pregnancy scare", but my sex life is actually more scary than a late period. So nothing to worry about. There is only one Virgin Mary.

Also, I have these emotional roller coasters, that are freaking me out. Some days I cry because the wind is blowing north instead of south, others I get angry at the thought that something bad may happen, but since it hasn't happened I feel like crying because of that too. I have a job in which I am expected to go into my office with my "A" game, but some days I feel like I should go into my colleague's office for a therapy session between my sessions. Hopefully my colleague isn't in menopause too. 

I am so exhausted most of the time that I end up going to bed at 9:30pm, or even at 7:30pm like a true senior citizen. Some days I make coffee to stay awake longer and fall asleep before I could drink it, and when I drink it, doesn't work. At times it feels like the coffee grounds I buy contain Ambien instead of caffeine. What's going on? That used to be an infallible method. 

Last week as I was getting ready to go to work and I felt so hot, and not the hotness that makes you feel divalicious, but the one in which your body temperature rises like if you were at the end of a hot yoga session. I left to work without a coat and it didn't bothered me until I got out of the car to go in the office. It was 35 degrees. By that time the hotness didn't feel so hot anymore, and of course I wanted to cry because of that. 

I have to interview the women in my family to see how long this lasts. Maybe they have a secret, I never saw them struggling...maybe they faked it. They always looked so good, and so happy, and their husbands were happy, or maybe they were afraid of the so call menopausal rage.

In a serious note, this is a normal life process and I am trying to make the journey as enjoyable as possible. Bear with me if I behave out of character as I now have something to blame. :)