I have
been blessed with a fertile and healthy reproductive system, something many women struggle
with. I have experienced the magical process of becoming a mother not once but
4 times. Every pregnancy has been so different and beautiful in their own way,
and today on Mother’s Day I want to tell you the story of how you came
into the world. Stephanie, Hazel, Kiara, and Armando Joaquin you were all
planned, expected, and welcomed with love and great anticipation.
Oh Stephanie, it seems like it was
yesterday that I was studying for my final exams, and I started having
contractions. You were getting ready, and I was about to lose those extra brain
cells I needed to memorize the multitude of protozoa, algae, fungi, archaea, viruses,
and bacteria for my microbiology exam. That was a serious problem. My second
thought when the pain started was, I better eat because they are probably not
giving me any food for a while. I ate
enough food for a kindergarten class.
I waited and waited until your
uncle – Dr. Hector Rene Aponte Rivera -recommended us to go to the hospital. He
was going to deliver you. When I arrived at the hospital, I was
placed next to a woman that was screaming like she knew something I did not. Of
course, she had to tell me, “you don’t know how bad this is going to get”. At
that time in Puerto Rico, they did not allow family to be in the room with me,
not even my husband, so it was me and this crazy woman that had the urge to
keep talking about the horrors of labor. She also kept screaming like the woman
in the shower scene of the Alfred Hitchcock movie Psycho, very suitable name
for her too. She scared me so much that I was like in a state of shock, or
maybe was all the Demerol I got. I was happy when she was finally taken away. Soon
after she left all the food I ate came out. The Demerol gave me the worse episode
of vomiting. The doctor broke the amniotic sac to see if that cause any progress, as 12 hrs. later I
was only 1cm dilated. Sadly, my labor process did not progress and 24 hrs.
later, I had a cesarean section as you were in mild distress. I do not think I
was that sad with the C-section as I was scared to feel what that woman was
experiencing.
The horror continued when I woke up
from anesthesia and they bring me a baby girl when I thought I was expecting a
boy. I told the nurse, that is not my baby, and she only said: “yes sweetie
this is your baby, you had a girl”. I am surprised they did not call a
psychiatrist, because I must have looked a little off. After the shock pass, I fell in love with you,
my perfect baby girl. Stephanie your birth weight was 7 lbs. and 14 ounces. I was 21 years old, and of course I thought I
knew a lot about parenting but soon realized that I did not know a thing that
was useful for you. I was blessed to have mom and mama Milla rescuing me from
the situation I was into. I am sure you were happy as well.
I divorced and remarried and 5
years later I got pregnant again. During the pregnancy I ate for 2, and I do
not recommend that. I was happy and Stephanie you were so excited about having
a baby sister. Pregnancy was great and I never had any issues except for an
excessive number of ultrasounds that kept track of the baby size against my
pelvic measurements because of the previous C-section. I went into labor a week
early and just a day after moving to a new apartment. You could only imagine
the mess I had, but it was blessing that I left all to your dad. When I arrived
at the hospital, I was informed that my regular doctor was on vacation and I
had a wonderful covering physician. This physician did not look so wonderful
after he said that he did not believe in pain management and that he was all about
natural birth. What the fuck! I was immediately aware that I was screwed. I was
attempting a vaginal birth after a C-section, so this was all new to me. I had
never had to push a child out of me before. The pain that I experienced made me
understand the behavior of the woman I met in that hospital in Puerto Rico, and
I probably looked as psycho as she did. Hazel I was surprised I was not
arrested after you came out, because I assaulted several people. Not my finest
moment. Hazel you were a gorgeous baby, and even though I was dreaming to have
a 5 pounder, your birth weight was 9 lbs.
An overachiever if you ask me. Stephanie you were not happy that the
baby was not ready to play like you expected. It must have felt like the doll
that comes without batteries, cute but not functional. Hazel you were an easy baby,
but you kept the eating schedule I had when you were in my belly. You kept
waking up to feed in the middle of the night until you were 8 months. That was
torturous!
Two years later I was pregnant with you Kiara.
Just after I have lost the weight I gained for Hazel’s pregnancy. This pregnancy
was good except for an obsession I developed for working out, complicated with an
aversion to any meat products. I only gained 17 lbs. during this pregnancy
which the doctor was a little concerned about. When I started having contractions I was at
work and was able to complete my 8-hr. shift at the Greater Lawrence Family Health
Center. I thought, if she decides to come out, I am surrounded by great doctors
and residents looking to gain experience. When I left work, I decided to go to the
store to get some stuff I was missing. What an adventure! I went home shaved my
legs and all. I felt like a pro. At 7 pm I tell your dad that it was time to go as the
contractions were closer, even though they did not feel as strong. Kiara you
were nice from the get-go. An hour later
you were born. Since when I got to the hospital, I was almost fully dilated
there was no need or time for my friend epidural. Glad I made on time, that was a close call. Your
birth weight was 7.5 lbs., and you were as cute as they come. I left the
hospital wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans. I cannot believe that I am heavier now
than on the day I delivered you. I learned
that eating for 2 was not the best choice in the past. Hazel was thrilled with
having a baby sister and I was scared to have a 7-year-old, a 2-year-old, and a
baby.
Time passed and 5 years later I am
pregnant again. I was 35, meaning “on the older side” to have babies and for
this reason my pregnancy was considered a higher risk than the other ones. Soon
I started bleeding and I thought the pregnancy was going to be lost, like two
pregnancies that I lost in years prior. I needed to drop my classes at UMass
because I needed to be on bed rest for some time. When my AFP was tested, they
sent me to a genetic specialist, which is never a good thing. I was told you may
come with Down Syndrome and they needed to perform other tests. I was already
aware that I was having a boy and because of the risk the tests carried I
refused to have them. I was working at HFH psych ward with a group that was so
supportive of me. They helped me forget the possible outcome and I was able to focus
on the boy that I always wanted. I was probably a safety hazard, more than
anything else but the unit "bodyguard" Jimmy always kept me safe. At 7 months of pregnancy,
I decided to switch doctors as my current OB-GYN was being an SOB and was "distraught" with my decision to keep the pregnancy. The moment she told me “I have seen
many women like you that later end up in the welfare system unable to carry for
the child and work”, our relationship was beyond repair. After the fleeting
homicidal thought passed, I confronted her as I felt her comment was based on
racial profiling and told her that I refused to continue working with her. I
wanted to enjoy my pregnancy and her job was not to push an agenda, but to allow
me to make an informed decision. My new doctor was a gem and a joy to work
with. I left work a few weeks before my due date because I wanted to have a break
before the baby arrive. I was going to be alone as everyone was in school. To my surprise I
was induced 3 days later, so there goes my vacation. The doctor thought you were “too big” and she needed to get you out pronto. I thank God that my
English was better now, and I knew how to ask for drugs. I was being induced. I
got to the hospital at 7am with the attitude that this was going to be a piece
of cake. They connected me to an IV of Pitocin and I thought they allowed the
devil to enter my system at that moment. I have never experienced that level of pain. I
thought I experienced pain for Hazel, but I can say AJ you were a bigger pain. I immediately
asked to meet with the anesthesiologist to discuss the plan for pain management. I
needed to be proactive. The Pitocin needed to be stopped (thank God) because my
blood pressure was too elevated, and they decided to allow labor to progress
naturally. Ten hours later AJ was unable
to find the exit, I know this was a window into the future because he still
pretty laid back about everything. The
first epidural was fading, and I needed a second talk with the anesthesiologist.
He told me that my insurance will not cover
more analgesia. AJ, I looked at your dad and he immediately agreed to pay for
it. He was probably scared for his safety. I was in pain and hungry, not a good
combination. So, I received a second
dose of the epidural juice for only $1600. Almost 13 hours later AJ showed up
and he was welcome by several doctors including Dr. Folch who looked at him and
said, “he is fine”. He was born healthy, and his birth weight was 10 lbs. Another
overachiever. After I was sent home, I had a hemorrhage and was placed on drugs
to prevent more blood loss. It was time to stop having babies.
Guys, despite all the struggles it
was a blessing to have you just to myself for the 9 months that I hosted you
inside me. I will do it all over again without hesitation. Stephanie, Hazel, Kiara,
and AJ you are the highlight of my life and everything I have done in life
since I became a mother, I have done it thinking of you. I can see now that all
my tears, and love sacrifices were not in vain because I could not have asked
for more loving, respectful, supportive, and kind children. I have learned so much from you, and I hope
that you have learned from me as well. As I get older, I cherish you even more.
Follow you heart, and do not follow
the path I did, create your own. It will be more fun and rewarding! I hope that
if some day you decide to have children you are better parents than I was. Tears
come to my eyes as I get overjoyed with so many memories. Time passed too fast.
I’ve never been the lovey dovey mom, but I hope that you felt and feel my love
the way I know how to show it, with actions. I did not know the depth of love until
I met you.
Glad God chose me to be your mom.
Happy Mother’s to US!
