I have never talked openly about my near death experience, but after 34 years I am ready.
On the summer of 1983 - 84 I was invited to spend a day at the river with my childhood friend Sylvia and her family. I was excited, but the morning of the day trip I had a feeling of doom and lost all desire to go, but despite that I wanted to spend time with my friend so I went. I remember the day was beautiful, sunny with clear blue skies. Just magical, like most summer days in the tropics.
We got to the river and the water was inviting but I wasn't planning to go in as I didn't swim. Not many people in the area despite the nice weather, perhaps because it was early. My friend's family decided to set camp near a beautiful swimming hole that looked like a natural pool.
I was happy to be there as I love my friend and her family. They were and are family to me. Our bond was solidified on that day.
When I got there I didn't know that day will change my life forever.
My friend and I started walking around the pool of water. The water was so clear that we were able to see the rocky bottom, which looked very close to the surface. We were not dumb, so we tested the depth with sticks and when we couldn't touch bottom we realized it was deeper than we first thought. I remember us giggling and laughing when suddenly the rocks we were walking on dislodged and we both fell in the water.
My friend Sylvia was able to reach the shore but I couldn't. I panicked and frantically tried to stay above water.
I was able to see people trying to rescue me, yelling to get my attention. They were panicking as much as I was.
I fought with all I had. I am not sure how long was the battle, but certainly felt eternal. My short life passed in front of my eyes. I saw my mom, my brothers, my grandparents...and suddenly I surrendered. The panic I felt was replaced by a feeling of peace and stillness... and I let go. I saw myself floating in the river, barely under the surface of that beautiful natural pool of clear water. I saw my friend and her family crying, her father never stopped trying to rescue me.
I started a journey, and went through a tunnel which had a bright light at the end. The tunnel was dark and that made the light at the end seem much brighter and desirable. As I was getting closer to the end I felt a force that pulled me back and I re-entered my body. I was flat on my back on a bed of rocks.
I woke up looking up at someone helping me breathe again. My memory is blurry here. I coughed up so much water, then I fell in a daze. I remember a man that helped my friend's father pulled me out. That man said the pool of water was about 6-8 feet deep. He went back in to grab my shoes. I remember him saying "he was compelled to stop while traveling to a different location".
I never got close to a river again until 2003 when I move to my home which sits on the banks of the Merrimack river, and I didn't go in the water until my first kayak trip in 2012. I struggle for years and couldn't even see my children near any body of water as that triggered my fear of water.
I still can't swim, and I don't think I am ready to try to learn, but when I see my life and my children I am so thankful that I was pulled from that river. Perhaps at that young age I didn't see the meaning like I see it now. I see that the "universe conspired" to stop the interruption of my life journey.
I still get reminded of that day, not with flashbacks or nightmares but with something more powerful. On every occasion I have been struggling with issues, when I feel alone, when I feel hopeless, God has a way of reminding me that I am not alone, that He pulled me from that river. In every and each of those occasions I re-experience the sensation I felt when I was drowning. My nostrils and throat feel the sensation of suffocation and perhaps in an oxymoron kind of way that sensation is followed by a feeling of peace and comfort. God is telling that He never left my side.
You don't have to go through a near death experience to find meaning to your life. Some times your "near death" experience is the loss of a child, a divorce, the loss of a job, loss of a parent, loss of your home, etc. The value in our lives is found when we find our life mission, or perhaps the job we have been entrusted with. Lets make sure that whatever that is, we give more than what we take, as we never know the load that others are carrying, which may be heavier than our own.
