People close to me are aware of my tremendous fear of water, as I let them know as a way of self preservation. I nearly drowned when I was 16 years old, and the memories of that day have never left me. Every so often and out of the blue I re-experience the feeling of water clogging my nose, preventing me from breathing. I always think it is God's way of reminding me that he saved me with a purpose. I am thankful and grateful for the people that saved me, otherwise I will have missed so much. Despite my fear I have a great love for water and at the same time respect of its powerful grip. Being in the water reminds me of the stillness and the peace I experienced when I finally let go...at 16...when I surrendered to the power of that river.
An attempt to re-experience that stillness and peace always brings me back to face the power that almost took my life and that I can't control.
Today, David and I went to Pawtuckaway Lake to enjoy the sun in the kayak he bought for us. We had lunch packed and we headed to find an island to enjoy it.
The sun was shinning bright, the sky as clear as could be and the lake was full of lessons. Nature is such a wonderful teacher and today I had the opportunity to see it in action one more time. I was willing to open my senses and allow those lessons to sink in.
First lesson was given by the water lilies. Beautiful, peaceful and didn't seem to stress while they push their way to the surface. They follow their instinct to grow, to bloom despite whatever changes in the environment around them. They are rooted in the mud and their beauty announces to the world that they are bigger than their circumstances. I wish humans follow that same behavioral pattern, of growing wherever you are planted and work with whatever you are given instead of making excuses for our lack of accomplishments and shortcomings.
Second lesson was given by the water itself. When boats passed by, they ruffled the water creating waves that rocked the boat. When we paddled, the stress on the boat felt worse and I thought it would flip, throwing us in the water. When we just surrender and dance with the waves the stress on the boat subside. The troubled waters are our daily problems and the boat is us, humans. Sometimes relaxing in front of a big problem is the best solution, the best choice. Resisting to stress doesn't resolve it and we suffer the consequences either mentally or physically.
The third lesson was given by the ripples in the water. Those circles that started very small and kept expanding until they reached the shore that broke them and made them disappear. Those reminded me of the memories of abuse or trauma and the sorrows we carry, as if we don't find a shore that breaks them, they keep growing to places that are unmanageable and overwhelming. Therapy and treatment is the shore that breaks them and prevents them from causing more damage than the trauma itself.
My last lesson came after we got lost and we couldn't find the boat launch area. I was tired and I didn't want to paddle any more. I could have freak out and complaint about it, but instead I decided to adopt the pace of nature, that wonderful secret that Ralph Waldo Emerson called patience. That extra time gave us the space for a few more laughs, a few more calories burned, and few minutes to enjoy each other in a place that only our conversation or our silence mattered...no phones, no internet, no emails and not distractions. "Nature never rushes and yet everything gets accomplished".
The next time you face nature remember that "It is not what you look at that matters, it is what you see." Henry David Thoreau
